Before coming into FA, I once went 11 days without a shower…in the middle of August! At the time I weighed 176 pounds and could not care less about my appearance (or body odor, for that matter).
I was so broken that I couldn’t mentally will myself to take a shower, but also I didn’t have any clean clothes that fit me because I had recently gained so much weight and didn’t have a job to pay for new clothes or a trip to the laundromat to wash the ones I did have. And I was homeless and living with my mother who is a hoarder and had 50+ shampoo bottles in the shower of the squalid home we were sharing with her active alcoholic companion. My life was definitely unmanageable: all of these various reasons for not showering for 11 days may seem disconnected, but they were all a DIRECT result of my food addiction. I had hit a bottom so low – I had lost everything.
When I came into this program I learned to take care of myself first and foremost, by taking care of my food addiction. It started with getting out of bed in the morning – getting on my knees, then brushing my teeth and washing my face and taking quiet time and getting dressed.
Some days I had to pray every step of the way – “God help me put one pant leg on. Now the other.” Once I got a little job, I was able to go to thrift stores (for financial reasons and because my size was changing rapidly) and buy decent, clean clothes. I was also able to buy grooming products that I needed but couldn’t afford before, like makeup and hair styling aids. These things might seem trivial, but I am a “gutter drunk” with the food (and alcohol, for that matter) meaning my disease takes me to the low, low places. I simply didn’t have $3 or whatever it costs to buy even the cheapest makeup.
As my recovery has progressed, so has my grooming routine. It has grown to include such things as exercise and a gym membership, manicures, haircuts and improvements in and maintenance of my wardrobe. I still enjoy thrift shopping even though I don’t have to!
I’ll never forget the first time I got to change seasons abstinently. I was able to pull out a storage bin from under my bed which contained all of my spring clothes, which had been dry cleaned before packing with any repairs made, neatly folded and color coordinated.
And they all fit.
That is what FA has done for me. Thank you, God!