I was terrified to walk through the doors of FA, even though I was with a friend who invited me. I wasn’t sure what I would find. I have been to so many different types of “weight loss” meetings, from large groups to individual sessions. I was always looking for the solution to my weight problem. It wasn’t that I only had 20 pounds to lose. I was only 5 foot 2 inches tall but weighed in at 287 pounds. I had tried counting calories, counting points, cutting out sugar and flour, and exercising but nothing was able to help me lose the weight or take away the obsession that I had with food. The longest I had been able to be successful was six weeks and got down to around 232 pounds. My birthday came around and I thought I would just have one piece of cake to celebrate. That one piece of cake started a crazy cycle that brought me up to 287 pounds. How was this program going to help? Nothing else had so far and my weight just kept climbing up. I didn’t have much hope for success until I sat down (in the last row of course) and listened to what people said and shared.

I looked around the room and saw that the majority of people were thin. I was so focused on the fact that I was the largest person in the room, I am not sure that I even heard what was read at the beginning of the meeting. The leader for that meeting got up and shared her story. That is when it hit me. HOPE. She passed her pictures around the room and I saw a vast difference between the person in the pictures and the one that was standing before me. She talked about the obsession with food and how she had no control over it. No matter what she tried she couldn’t stick with it. I completed identified with her story. I walked away from that meeting holding onto a small glimmer of hope. If she could do it maybe I could too. I wasn’t quite ready to get a sponsor that night but I knew that I needed to come back.

It took me six meetings before I was ready to ask someone to sponsor me. I was terrified but knew that I had to try something. 300 pounds was just another few binges away. My first sponsor gave me a food plan and showed me what literature to buy. I think if she told me to stand on my head and eat my breakfast I would have. I was so desperate for a solution that I did everything she told me.

I thank my Higher Power that I didn’t go through terrible withdrawals from flour and sugar. I tried to work the program to the best of my ability. My first sponsor broke and I had to go and hunt for a new one. I was a little scared since I had only been abstinent for about two months. I ended up with a wonderful woman who had more than 20 years of experience in the program. She guided me gently as I learned to use all my tools.

As I got closer to my 90 days we spent a lot of time talking about my fears of standing up in front of the group and sharing. I do not like speaking in front of groups, especially when I had to share about myself. She was understanding and encouraged me to call other members and talk about my fears. This was something new and very uncomfortable for me to do. I typically do not share my feelings or fears with anyone.

I hit the 90 days mark and did get up to briefly share. I was still very intimidated, as I had lost around 40 pounds but was still way over 200. All I could think was, who would want to listen to what I had to say, because I wasn’t at a normal weight for my height. People were so encouraging and supportive. It slowly became easier to stand up and share. I even got the courage to lead a meeting.

I have now been at my current weight range (around 125) for more than 2 years. I have been blessed beyond measure with working the program tools and the 12 steps. I thank my higher power every day for the gift of FA.