When I first came into FA, it was overwhelming learning to do all the tools. I was uncomfortable having 30 minutes of quiet time every morning, and I felt it was unreasonable to only eat three meals a day with nothing in between.
After doing this for a year and a half, I see how it has helped me in so many aspects of my life. Like the boy in the movie Karate Kid, who learns to do Karate by doing simple chores like “wax on, wax off,” I, too, am learning to deal with life by doing simple tasks over and over.
I had to learn to eat three meals a day with nothing in between. I had to learn to sit down at the table and take my higher power with me, so that mealtime would become a time of thanksgiving and ease. I don’t stand up in the kitchen and eat; I don’t eat while driving. If someone calls me while I’m eating, unless it appears urgent, I let my answering machine take it. In the morning when I first get up, I do half an hour of quiet time. At first this was very hard, and I would stop and check my timer to see how much time was left. Now the half-hour passes quickly and I don’t get up to vacuum the floor, even if I see a dust bunny hanging around!
As an artist, I’ve struggled to find time to work on my art. I’ve come to realize that I’m easily distracted. I start one thing and then become distracted by a household chore, a phone call, or another need. When I jump from one thing to another, at the end of the day I manage to get very little done. My home, like my head, can end up in endless to-do lists, and my art often remains neglected. I can get full of resentments and self-loathing. In my days before FA, this would undoubtedly cause me to end up back in the food.
My sponsor has helped me see that I can apply what I’ve learned with my tools in all of my activities. Just as I sit down to eat without distractions, so it can be with my art. I can set aside a time for it and not allow my distractions to deter me from my primary goal. I do get distracted momentarily, but then can ask my higher power for help, remind myself of the task I’m trying to accomplish, and let go of the other things.
I’m grateful for the people who came before me, and for those who were inspired to create the tools we have today. As I do my tools and follow the wisdom of the program, my life becomes richer and more wonderful all the time. Not only have I lost 50 pounds and kept them off, but I’m starting to feel like I am finally able to grow as an artist. Like the Karate Kid who continued to “wax on, wax off,” I’m starting to see how being present for my meals and in quiet time helps me not only in my art, but also in every part of my life.