At my first meeting, I couldn’t relate to the term food addict; addicts poured drugs into their bodies with needles. And, I certainly couldn’t relate to the statement that we had an allergy to sugar and flour; I had no allergies.

The hook for me was when I heard the phrase “and our lives had become unmanageable.” That was me inside. Outwardly, I appeared to be a successful professional woman who had my life under control.

Even though my original intention, those nine years ago, was to just dabble in the idea of FA meetings, I was blessed with the gift of desperation. I got a sponsor that first night and was abstinent for almost four years.

Then I had a break—with a binge of dairy products. But I was sure that I could resume my prior life of abstinence. I was terribly wrong.  I experienced over three years of suffering in the struggle to regain my abstinence. I would have two days here and two months there, but I did not get 90 days in all that time.

What was amazing for me, as I look back over that sad time in my life, is that I never left Program. I continued to go to my meetings and to be sponsored. Because of that, I grew in many ways, but not in my ability to conquer the uncontrollable and virtually endless night binges.

Nineteen months ago, I was finally able to see what God had been showing me over and over again—that no matter what, I could not have just one of anything. For me, starting means not stopping. With the help of God and this amazing program, I was finally able to truly accept that I am a food addict and what that means for my life.

I then went to great lengths to get a new sponsor and, with her guidance, entered an AWOL. We have just completed the Twelfth Step. Even though this is the third AWOL that I’ve completed, (I finished the other two in my first four years), I experienced this one in a whole new way because of the level of acceptance and surrender that I now understand and live each day.

I’ve lost 65 pounds in Program, and my sponsor continues to expand and deepen my knowledge of our mutual addiction. I’m inspired daily by my sponsees. My relationship with my husband is better than ever.

When I get on my knees, my shoulders go down, I take a deep breath, and I thank God from deep in the core of me that I have found FA and that I can experience life with a new freedom and a new happiness.