The most difficult suggestion for me was to put my recovery before my family, and my family before work. Work wasn’t an issue because I’m retired, but being a grandmother meant that my grandchildren came first in my heart and plans.
After being abstinent for about a year, my daughter planned my granddaughter’s third birthday party. It was to be at their home in San Francisco, a three-hour drive from my home, on a Saturday at 11:00 a.m. My meeting is Saturday morning from 9:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m., which meant I couldn’t get to the party until 1:30 p.m. at the earliest. When I explained this to my daughter, her response was thick with anger.
“What? You are going to miss your only granddaughter’s third birthday?”
Calmly, because I had gained a little serenity in FA, I responded, “I’ll be there, but a little late.”
Her response was, “Mother, the invitations are already out; you’ll miss all of the party!” She was very angry when she hung up, and I felt terrible.
I called my sponsor to ask about missing my Saturday meeting. She reminded me that my meetings are my medicine and that my recovery had to come first. She said that, in recovery, I would be more available to my family. I sat with this, still feeling I’d made an irreparable mistake. The next day, my daughter called to say that she’d changed the birthday to Sunday so that I could come. I felt very loved and respected.
There are ninety pounds less of me than there were before FA four years ago, and I have a much healthier relationship with my family. I learned that when I listen to my sponsor and put my abstinence first, my family does respond with love and support, although it may take them a bit of time to adjust to my new attitude and commitment to my health.