The slogan, “Don’t eat no matter what, no matter what, don’t eat” completely baffled me when I first came into FA, because I ate over everything. It was my go-to solution for all things in my life, good and bad. If my mind was racing at night and I couldn’t sleep, I ate to numb out. When something good happened, I celebrated with food. If something bad happened, I needed to soothe myself with food. If I procrastinated on a work project and faced a deadline, the food would help me tackle it. If a friend didn’t say hello to me and I thought she must be mad at me, I needed to eat. It didn’t matter if it was a big issue or small, the bottom line was that my answer was food. This meant that I was a 30-year-old woman with food hidden in my dresser drawers, stashed in my desk at work, and with crumbs in my bed.
In my early days of abstinence, I couldn’t understand how I wasn’t going to eat. What else was there to do? I kept hearing this slogan, and when things started happening in my life, I would say it to myself, Don’t eat no matter what, no matter don’t eat, and a funny thing happened. I got through those tough days without eating! I used the tools of FA— asking God for help, talking to my sponsor and my fellows, and learning to be okay in my discomfort. When good things happened, I found ways to celebrate that didn’t involve food. Every time I would think that food would help the situation, that slogan would come to my mind. It has saved me many times from turning to food to try to escape the reality of my life.
Today I’ve been abstinent for 16 years and I’ve lost 62 pounds. I know now that the food is not the solution to my problems. Life has been full of ups and downs. I have been through loss of a job, financial problems, apartment flooding, bed bugs, family health issues, and the death of my mom. Through all of that, I didn’t eat. I have also experienced many joys and have so much gratitude for all that I have in my life. My life is completely different, all because I finally believed that food is not the answer. I don’t eat no matter what, and no matter what, I don’t eat.