Looking back to when I entered into that threshold that is the first 90 days of FA, three-and-half years and one-hundred-thirty pounds ago, I can say that I never want to go down that painful road again.

Coming off of flour and sugar was so hard for me that if I knew then what I know now, I would have taken time off from work and stayed at home for a several weeks! I was an emotional basket case, to say the very least. My feelings were a roller coaster of never-ending ups and downs. My mood was completely unstable. I was extremely rude to those closest to me.

Mostly, I regret my behavior towards my coworker and friend during that time. Putting it simply, I acted “holier than thou” toward her because I had found recovery from food addiction and she had not. In my early days in Program, I took it upon myself to feel that it was necessary to induct her into the program as well. I criticized her eating and drinking habits and cleverly pointed out how unmanageable her life was. I feel that I owe her an amends today for my behavior, which was a direct result of that detoxification period.

It took me a year and a half before I began to work the actual Twelve Steps, and it has only been because of their application that I was finally able to learn how to focus on my character defects and not someone else’s. Until I was able to start this process, I was what AA calls a “dry drunk.” I had no idea that my lifelong over-consumption of flour, sugar, and quantities had such a negative impact on me and on those around me. The first 90 days were but a small window of the negative effects. I cannot imagine what havoc I caused my whole life to people, not to mention myself, while actively using my drug.

I made a pact with myself after those first few months were over and done with that I would never again consume flour and sugar. I have kept that promise to myself for all these years, with of course the help of my HP!

While I wasn’t always completely abstinent, I never had to detox from my drug of choice again. Had I had a better relationship with my higher power and perhaps been working the Twelve Steps during that time, I might have made better choices. All I knew was that I never wanted to go through that hell again.

I know for a fact that FA is where I belong. My higher power brought me here for a very big reason and has shown me a lot of really amazing things. I truly believe that staying abstinent is the gift that keeps on giving. If I want to develop a stronger relationship with G-d and be shown even more gifts and miracles in my life, then abstaining completely from all flour and sugar is the first way to do it. Thank you, G-d, that the only roller coaster that I ride on today is the one of life, and I’m not sick to my stomach doing it!