When I was 20 years old, I told my parents that I was addicted to sugar. At that time, “food addiction” was unheard of in my world. I was told that I just needed to have more will power and I should learn to say “no.”
30 years later, my bingeing was uncontrollable and I couldn’t stop. I was eating two-to-three family-size boxes of treats in my car at lunchtime every day, in addition to all my meals and nighttime junk. At 50 years old, 5’10” tall, and weighing 265 pounds, I was on my way to both my physical and mental grave, a place I didn’t want to go, but that didn’t know how to avoid.
Then came divine intervention. God reunited me with my best friend from high school after a 23-year separation. We had so much to talk about. However, our conversation centered on her four successful years in FA and on how wonderful her life had become in a right- size body. She shared her numbers with me and talked about the feelings of loathing and desperation that had plagued her adult life. She recognized my desperation. She didn’t share her food plan, nor did she mention the absence of sugar and flour in her diet. Before we parted that evening, I had the FA website and I realized my prayer had been answered. A door had been opened for me.
Prior to walking into my first FA meeting, I spent the better part of my day bingeing on fast food and sugar items. As the meeting began, I recognized the Twelve Steps and Traditions from my experience with my dad and ex-husband, who were both recovering alcoholics. The people in front of the room began sharing their stories, and I was in awe. They were talking about my life! I soon felt like I was no longer alone on my battlefield of addiction—I had comrades!
By the end of my first meeting, I had a sponsor. She told me about her life, her numbers, and her relationship with God. I vowed to God at the moment, that I wouldn’t use the words, “No, I can’t,” or “I don’t want to.” So imagine my surprise when I got my food plan. The first word I wanted to scream was, “No!” But I needed and wanted to give this program my best effort.
That following day I went shopping to get the food that I was told to purchase. My first question to my sponsor after getting my food plan was whether I had to eat that for the rest of my life. Her reply was, “It is for today.” As I tooled around the outer edges of the grocery store gathering my vegetables, fruits, and proteins, I realized how my food plan was drastically interfering with my coveted grocery trips.
The next few weeks were hard. I only knew to lean on my sponsor. I believed she had my best interests at heart. I cried over the loss of food. I couldn’t find comfort if I couldn’t eat. More often than not, I found myself on my knees in the company bathroom, crying and saying the Serenity Prayer. I just needed to make it through the day, or that particular situation, without eating. I cried on my phone calls to my sponsor. I wanted to defend my need for food, caffeine, and exercise, but she gently guided me in a positive direction. She suggested that I use all my faith in God and all the FA tools. I began to believe that there was a better way, not a softer way, but a better way to live my life that I really could cherish.
I attended my meetings and was getting to know everyone and their incredible stories. I began to see that my fellows had peace and joy. I knew I could have that, and I wanted it. As the days in FA slowly past, my emotions were not blanketed by food and were so raw. I felt like a child without direction. I found myself holding onto my sponsor more tightly. She was living a life that I wanted, and she guided me in the direction I needed to get there.
My first 90 days were hard. My sponsor would say, “It’s hard until it gets easier.” She was right, and daily it did get easier. The horrible headaches from lack of caffeine and sugar began to subside. I eventually began to feel more energetic as my body became clean of the toxins. I came to realize I didn’t have to think about how my life would be without sugar and flour for the next 40 years. I could just live one day at a time.
The program began working for me. I started noticing that as I released the big problems to God, the small ones were no longer a problem. I felt the weight of my world lift off my back. My personal and professional relationships began to change because of the changes that were occurring within me. My existing relationship with God was changing and becoming more intimate.
I had several signs that the program was working physically, both in weight and chemistry. At my first weigh-in, I was able to document a loss of 21.8 pounds. I was experiencing little joys of life, like I could cross my legs, shave my legs without my entire torso being covered in shaving cream, walk down stairs, and fit into clothes. The program was also working in quieter places, such as my blood chemistry and blood pressure. My yearly checkup was when I had reached around 90 days of abstinence. My doctor was happy to see my weight loss of 48 pounds. My blood work received an “excellent,” and my cholesterol was reduced by 57 points. My triglycerides dropped by half and my blood pressure lowered by an average of 15 points. What remarkable progress in 90 days.