At 19 years old I felt as though my life was over.

A STORY OF RECOVERY FROM FOOD ADDICTION

At 19 years old I felt as though my life was over.

I started out life as an outwardly happy and healthy little boy. But I now see that by a very […]

I started out life as an outwardly happy and healthy little boy. But I now see that by a very early age, I had the personality traits of a potential addict. I had a lot of trouble adjusting to life situations.

After my parents’ divorce when I was three years old, I began to isolate and to develop a rageful and explosive personality. School became a continual struggle for me. As early as second grade, I violently rebelled against doing what I was told.

In junior high school, my violent behavior toned down; but I became very depressed, withdrawing more and more into a world of drawing, science-fiction books, comics, and weight lifting. I hated being a skinny teenager and was continually frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get more muscular. For a while, my eating was rigid and controlled, but then I began to go to the other extreme, sitting in front of the TV after school and stuffing myself. Because of overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness I began therapy at age 12. However, I continued to isolate and to binge on huge amounts of food, always in secret because I felt so ashamed.

Over the next few years, I was on a search for relief: I tried vegetarianism, yoga, meditation, antidepressant drugs, living in communes, and, finally, hitch-hiking cross country. I still couldn’t stop bingeing. At 19 years old I felt as though my life was over. That frightened me enough to seek help, and I soon found my way to a Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meeting

At my first FA meeting I found hope. I was so relieved to find out that I wasn’t alone in my struggles with eating, and I learned that there was a way out of the pain I was in. Even though I was young and still thin when I got to FA, my obsession and compulsion with food had prevented me from freely living my life. FA gave me the tools to deal with life without using food as a crutch; and gradually I have found something I never thought I could have: as useful, happy and normal life. I have even gotten into college! FA has taught me how to live, and given me a second chance to become the person I think I was always meant to be.

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