I was 241 pounds at my first weigh-in. I was so grateful to find FA that I was willing to do whatever needed to be done to get into recovery. I got abstinent and found a sponsor right away. A month later I had already lost 18 pounds. Oh my God! This is a miracle, I thought to myself. I was motivated and excited to see that kind of result so fast.
Then it happened, that moment that made me stop in my tracks. Just a few days after that miraculous first weigh-in. I took a test and learned that I was pregnant. My first response was not overwhelming joy, but dread. Although my husband and I had prayed for this blessing for over two years, I had gained over 70 pounds with my first pregnancy. As I stared, incredulous, at the test result, I really wished that I could have lost 50 pounds first. It felt a bit like a cruel joke, like God saying, “Here is your solution for your incredible discomfort, fear, and isolation. Oh, wait a minute, I forgot you also wanted a baby!”
In my pregnancy with my daughter ten years prior, I was deep into the food. I indulged every craving, and my ex-husband was willing to go out to get me whatever I wanted. He encouraged me to “eat for two,” not that I needed much encouragement! My pregnancy was an excuse to dive face first into the food and, for the first time in my life, I was proud of my belly. I got huge with my daughter, and my rapid weight gain caused complications that landed me in the hospital when I was six months pregnant. The doctor was worried that my baby was too big, that I may have gestational diabetes, and that my delivery would be hard. He ordered a planned C-section, and the morning I checked into the hospital for my daughter’s delivery, I weighed 267 pounds. I knew that I had done this to myself and to her, and I was deeply ashamed.
In that first pregnancy, I was uncomfortable with backaches, swollen legs, and indigestion. I couldn’t even wear my rings, because my hands had become so puffy. I was in a fog of flour, sugar, and major quantities. I still don’t remember a lot of my daughter’s first few years.
But this time, I learned that willingness to stay abstinent and surrender to my Higher Power can carry me through just about anything. My sponsor helped me develop a food plan that gave my baby and me everything we needed to stay healthy. My pregnancy was textbook perfect. I never developed swelling or heartburn. My fellows blessed me with weighed and measured meals while I was in the hospital, so I never had to suffer through awful institutional food. I was able to stay on my phone AWOL and use my outreach calls and FA CDs while I recuperated.
This second pregnancy turned out not to be a cruel joke at all, but a double blessing. I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy and a slimmer body in the end. Now my son is over a year old and running around, laughing, and babbling. I am more present for him and my daughter because I am not in the food, and I am 110 pounds lighter than when I found FA. Thank you God!