When the COVID 19 experience started I was nine months abstinent. I remember feeling confused, scared and unsettled as I walked through the first few days of entering into this new world and reality of “social distancing”, “sheltering in place” and observing empty shelves at the grocery stores. Many questions came to mind. “what will happen to our meetings”, “will I have a job or continued to get paid”, “how will we do school with our three teenagers”, “will my husband continue to travel for work?”, “will we cancel our Spring Break trip to the Grand Canyon?”, and “will I ever find toilet paper again?”
I was guided by my sponsor to “stay in today”, “work the program”, “do the tools” and “weigh and measure my food”. Being abstinent, I abstain from flour, sugar, quantities, individual binge foods, and caffeine, but I can use the activity as a drug. I can get a hit off of “doing too much”. I work full-time, have a husband who travels extensively and three teenagers with very full, active lives. With COVID-19, all activities stopped. Abruptly. We transitioned to a new world of working and learning from home, moving from face-to-face meetings to phone gatherings. I have not been one who likes to be at home, and now I was being asked to stay home to keep myself and others safe and healthy. I was able to work my tools and connect with fellows. I was
When I eat flour, sugar and quantities, my disease is triggered and I crave more and more despite the tragic and devastating consequences (self-hatred, self-loathing, and depression). When I connect with my Higher Power, I find myself craving that more and more and the life-giving consequences of peace, sanity and serenity.
I think my Higher Power was saying to me, not only have I given you the gift of abstinence through FA, I am given you the gift of time to be still, be quiet, slow down and get closer to me. I have found peace of mind, continued neutrality with food, and the ability to be present for my family. My understanding of my Higher Power is growing. It is not my understanding that God causes car accidents, cancer and illness, job losses or worldwide pandemics like COVID 19, but my Higher Power demonstrates the good that can come from these difficult and challenging times. God cares about me and is my comforter, protector and friend. My Higher Power has gifted me abstinence one day at a time and will continue to meet all my needs. I welcome this opportunity to slow down and as a parent, my Higher Power is thrilled to have more time to spend alone with me.