I have always loved to bake. It was most likely because I loved to eat the baked items, not the actual process in the kitchen. It was always expected that I would bring several of my favorite items to holiday dinners, because the family touted my baked goods as better than any other. I reigned as the queen baker.

I knew I had completely lost control of my eating when I began to make sure I had a dessert every night, even if it meant going to the store late at night. I would crawl into bed with this dessert and eat it before going to sleep. I weighed over 235 pounds.

My sister had been in Program for about five years, so I was quite familiar with it. I went to a public information meeting in Moscow, ID and heard an inspiring story. How could I not want what that woman had? It was that night in May when I got a sponsor. In five months, I lost nearly 50 pounds.

I’d been in Program a little over three months when my sons and their families came to visit for their vacation. This made me extremely nervous, because every other time I spent time with them, either at my home or their home, my mind went into vacation mode, which translated into eating anything I wanted. Any control I had over my eating went right out the window. And they always liked me to bake.

As always, their visit was fast and furious. They were always on the go. There was lots of confusion in the house, lots of their food items, and lots of dining out. I cooked an abstinent meal for them several times, which they loved, but they liked getting in the kitchen to make a not-so-abstinent meal. They knew about Program and tried to be supportive, but most people don’t always know how.

While they were visiting, my son called me from the grocery store and asked me how much fruit he needed to buy to make a certain dessert. If I wasn’t going to bake, I guess he decided to try to take my place. I gulped, but told him how much he needed. Later that day, I mentioned that what he intended to make was my absolute favorite dessert. He said that he just wouldn’t make it, but I insisted. I knew that I needed to learn to fit my eating habits into their lives, not theirs into mine. So two days later, the deed was done, and the kitchen smelled wonderful.

I was teaching my grandson how to play cribbage when this dessert was served. I think he felt guilty eating it in front of me, so he said, “Grandma… this part is like cardboard, the fruit doesn’t have any flavor, and I’m just eating it for the sugar, which you can’t have, so you’re not missing anything.” The funny thing is I had no desire to eat it anyway.

Never before would I have been able to not eat this dessert. I would have even had it for my breakfast the next day. Amazing what Program can do!