Elementary school is not a time I look back on fondly, but the day I got to go to school wearing my Halloween costume and my big wax lips made up for all the times in between.  I was in the second grade, and it was all about standing in lines.  Line up for recess, line up for lunch, line up to go back into the classroom, line up, and line up some more.  

Standing in the line to go back into the classroom from recess, and proudly wearing my wax lips, a classmate reached over from the boys’ side of the line, yanked the lips out of my mouth, and put them in his own. Before he had a chance to clamp down, I reached over to his line and punched him in the nose. His mouth opened to wail in pain, and the lips fell onto the playground.  Ignoring the boy, the blood, and the screaming, I bent down, picked up my wax lips, and put them back in my mouth.  Nobody was getting my sugar items.  Nobody.   

Looking back on this, I’ve come to the conclusion that my addiction to food, and especially sugar, was already in full swing. Halloween was the best excuse to eat all the sugar I could without feeling I was doing something wrong.  

I haven’t punched anyone in the nose to protect my food since then, but I believe that this incident was the beginning of a long trail of hoarding, sneaking, shame, and isolation.  My life was out of control for years, and I fell further into a deep, dark well of misery because I couldn’t stop. I seriously believed that I would continue this pattern of eating until I died.  

FA saved my life.  Now I have tools, a fellowship of people who understand this disease and respect its power, and a spiritual life, which eluded me when I was in the food. I am an addict. There is no cure for that, but there is hope and recovery in FA.  I am grateful I showed up.