When I came into FA, the first thing my sponsor explained to me was the tool of abstinence. The second thing she explained was the tool of meetings. She called them “committed meetings” and explained that we attend the same three meetings every week, except if there is a one-time event like a wedding or funeral. I was in other Twelve-Step programs for food prior to FA, and I had never committed myself to any meeting. I only went to meetings to “get” not to “give.” I regularly switched meetings so I could be the new face at a meeting and get all the attention. Because of this constant movement, I did very little service and was not reliable. Doing service involved time and effort, and I rationalized that I worked full time, needed to have a life, and service impinged on my plans. All my actions were based on what I wanted to do, not what I ought to do. The food came before anything and anyone.

I lived next door to my parents. My mother was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, my father was in poor health and dependent on an oxygen machine, and my older brother, who was born with cerebral palsy, lived with them. There were many nights when my father would not feel well and would call an ambulance. I would hear the ambulance pull up, but I wouldn’t go over to help. My father would go to the hospital unaccompanied, because I did not want to give up my plans for the evening. Nothing and no one could get between me and my food. The disease of food addiction made me sink to some very low levels of behavior.

With God’s help, I have been abstinent in FA for more than three years. My father is no longer with us and my mother is now in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and in full-time care. I visit her at least once a week. My weeks are fairly routine. I go to work, attend the same three meetings every week, and do my grocery shopping. I find routine to be very peaceful.

The principle behind three committed meetings has helped me in many ways. Most importantly, it ensures that I keep my abstinence top priority. In previous programs, I would get so busy with life that I would forget to go to meetings, and many times two weeks went by before I realized I had not been to a meeting. I did not make the connection at that time that missing meetings could be one of the reasons why I had trouble staying abstinent.

In FA I have learned to plan my life around my recovery, not the other way around. As a result, I can be relied upon to turn up for my service commitments, I am there to greet any newcomers, and I help support the meetings by being a regular member. All this helps me to stay abstinent, and being abstinent means I am there for my mother.  I show up for work and social engagements. I also have learned to weigh and measure my spending and live within my means. I now resist the temptation to buy things I don’t need and probably won’t use. As a result, I have been able to travel to two FA conventions in Boston, where what I received there has lasted so much longer than any designer bag ever has!