In 11th grade I weighed 367 pounds and didn’t go to the doctor or get on a scale for years after that. For more than 30 years after high school, I tipped the scale most of the time at 335-370 pounds.

Like many people, I used to start out every year making a resolution to lose weight. After a few tries, I just stopped making one. I felt that a resolution was just another thing I would fail at. I made fun of people who made New Year’s resolutions. I knew they were setting themselves up for failure as I had always done.

In the past, my resolutions were downright crazy. One year I was so determined to be successful that I asked my family not to put any flour or sugar items into my Christmas stocking. Mind you, our stockings were literally five feet long and two-thirds of it was usually stuffed with flour or sugar items. I put my family through hell that year. I went right to my self-pity and negative thinking. I was mad at them for giving me what I asked for.  I got back at them by starting to eat their stocking stuffers, which they ended up having to hide from me. I quickly gave up and just went to the store and bought all the items I normally would have received. Not only did I get my own flour or sugar items, but I got them at markdown prices. Some items were 75% off, so I just bought twice as much. I said to myself “I can save them for later.” Later came much sooner than later!

I was never an exercise person. At my weight, it was hard enough some days to walk up and down stairs. One year I made the resolution to move more. I bought exercise equipment, some new, some used. I had no idea even how to use some of the items, but I was going to find out. I bought Richard Simmons “Sweating to the Oldies” tapes. I bought bands and bars. I just kept buying and buying. The problem was that I didn’t use the things I bought. Once in a while I put one of the tapes on, but I did it most of the time because I liked the music. I would dust or vacuum to Richard Simmons tapes. I thought at least I was moving more. In all this time, I never could stop eating. The food was way out of hand. How quickly I fell out of the New Year’s resolution to move more.

I came into FA right before Thanksgiving. The year I started program I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas abstinently. On New Year’s Eve I made a resolution to not eat flour or sugar, but on New Year’s day I ate flour and sugar. I didn’t even make it 24 hours after I made my resolution! After that, I made a resolution not to make a resolution. I thought I wouldn’t set myself up for more failure, as I had always done.

I have now been abstinent for a while and am maintaining a 150-plus-weight loss after starting FA at 297 pounds. I recently looked up the definition of “resolution.” I found out that it is a firm decision to do something, a firmness of purpose, and an answer to a problem. By staying abstinent in FA, I have made a resolution. I have made a firm decision—a choice— to do something: to daily turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. On my own, my life was unmanageable. I exhibit my firmness of mind and purpose by putting Program first in my life. I have found an answer to my problem, a solution for my food addiction—FA. This program has given me my life back. Before program my life had hit a wall. Today my relationship with my family is growing stronger and I have a fellowship of friends. I am glad to be alive. I thank God daily for leading me to the FA program of recovery. I am learning how to live in recovery by studying the Twelve Steps in my AWOL and by following my sponsor’s suggestion. Now I live my New Year’s resolution every day, one day at a time, and I am grateful I can.