Dreaming about Food

A STORY OF RECOVERY FROM FOOD ADDICTION

Dreaming about Food

I am almost two years into program, with over seven months of abstinence. I have lost my weight and am […]

I am almost two years into program, with over seven months of abstinence.  I have lost my weight and am feeling good. Fundamentally, all is well. But then, some stress over work comes up, and I find myself eating mouthfuls of flour and sugar, and then deciding I just won’t tell my sponsor! Thankfully, I am having a “food dream.” Or, rather, a nightmare! I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing.

The images of picking up and eating the very things I know can destroy me and send me spiraling back down into my addictive thinking and eating patterns was definitely nothing short of a nightmare – a floury, sugary, food nightmare.

I know now that when I am experiencing anxiety in my day-to-day life, negative thoughts and fears start to creep in. These things are powerful and manifest themselves in my subconscious thoughts.

I guess these sorts of dreams are valuable because when I wake up scared, I have to mindfully check my program to be sure I am diligently working all my tools. Am I being honest about what is really going on in my life? Am I talking with my sponsor and my fellows about these things?  Am I talking about things I may not want to talk about?  Am I keeping my food simple and not over-complicating things?

I am glad today that the thoughts and dreams (and nightmares!) of food scare me, because I know that if I am ever to take that bite or that one lick of a spoon or my finger, I’m a goner. It’s that simple.

The gift of abstinence is nothing short of a dream come true for this food addict.  For twenty years, I have struggled with food, bulimia, over-exercising, and obsession with trying to control my weight. Today, I am living the miracle: I don’t have to do any of those things. I ask God for help, work the tools of this Program (all of them, not some of them — I know today I cannot pick and choose my own program), and I weigh and measure my abstinent meals one day at a time. My life is increasingly filled with happiness, sanity, and usefulness to others.  Thank you, God, for the “sweet” dream of abstinence!

More Stories

Spiritually Starved

I always resented being fat. I never fully accepted responsibility for what I put in my mouth and how it showed up on my body. All my life I had been told that I was “statuesque,” “big-boned,” and had “child-bearing hips.” My mother was overweight, and so was her mother, and I was told that heavy women run in our family. It really didn’t seem to me as though I could do anything about my weight. So I ate to numb the pain of the rough hand life had dealt me. At age 55, standing 5’7” tall and weighing around

Read More »

Finally Right-Sized

Eleven years ago, I was on the phone with a customer service representative of a plus-size women’s clothing line trying to order black palazzo pants in size 3XL and 4XL. The representative asked why I was ordering the same pants in two different sizes, because they have a very simple return policy. I explained to her that I had no idea what size I was and I was in desperately in need of an outfit for my best friend’s wedding, which was happening in less than a week. I had completely put off buying an outfit because I could not

Read More »

Seeing Through Recovery

I was a premature twin at birth, which resulted in my having sight in only one eye. In elementary school, I was picked on for being different.  I never felt like I fit in or was accepted. I was chunky, which made me even more awkward than the other kids, and this, combined with my crossed eyes and extreme near-sightedness, made me feel like I could never measure up. At 12, my parents separated because of my dad’s excessive drinking.  I was able to start over again in school when Mom moved me and my siblings to the Panama Canal

Read More »

GET NEW STORIES EVERY MONTH

Get Connection magazine sent to your inbox or mailbox.

Subscribe to connection magazine
Scroll to Top