For me, addictive eating is like shopping with a credit card. Initially it is gratifying and easy to purchase that unplanned, unnecessary yet attractive thing—that new pair of Manolo shoes, or maybe the Oprah magazine while checking out at the grocery store. At the moment it seems like a good idea to make the purchase, crafted by an impulse that tells me I will feel or be better if I have that thing. The impulse morphs into an uncontrollable urge, and I think that now I need that thing, regardless of the consequences. Food thoughts enter my head in a very similar fashion. They tell me that if I eat that unplanned, unnecessary, yet attractive thing, I will feel or be better.

With all those extra credit card purchases, the anticipation of my monthly card statement can become a dreadful thing, similar to the dread of the bathroom scale after a binge. When I eat addictively, just like when I make credit card purchases, there is a monthly “bill” that comes due. All those added calories show up when I step on the scale and see the numbers spiral upwards.

So why do I buy those shoes or eat that food? Because, as I have learned since coming to FA, when there are parts of me that I find objectionable, I need to escape that discomfort to feel better. My diseased mind thinks that some external thing can fix an internal pain. I suppose that for a moment, a snack or new pair of shoes appear to soothe, but I now know that that moment comes at a dear cost. The reality is that a pair of shoes cannot make me feel or be better. Food cannot make me feel or be better either. They can only disguise my problems while compounding my misery.

FA and the Twelve Steps offer genuine hope of escape from internal pain. In FA I have learned that food or shopping are but symptoms of an underlying spiritual problem and that there is a real solution for my problems. I have found a proven medium for changing those objectionable pieces of myself that drive me to eat and shop. I truly have begun to feel and be better in relation to the degree of maintenance of my spiritual condition. Today I know that my bathroom scale and credit cards are useful tools if I weigh and measure them. One day at a time, I can choose to work this program and, with the help of my higher power, I am able to leave Oprah and the snack food on the shelf.