I was always the big girl with a pretty face. When I was eight years old, I knew I was a freak. One day the whole student body had to go out to the schoolyard to be weighed. As the children were weighed, the teacher called out their numbers. When my turn came, I weighed 124 pounds; the other kids in my class weighed about 70 pounds. I was so hurt by the remarks I heard. I knew that if only I could be smaller, everyone (including me) would be happy. From that day on, I was on and off some diet. No matter what I did, it never lasted.

I was next to the youngest of four kids. I had two older brothers and one younger brother. I tried to be just one of the boys. My mom always tried to get me to be a little lady. My mother and father did their best to give us what we needed and there was always a lot of love. We ate mostly meat-flavored dishes with a lot of flour items to go with it. The only desserts we got were on birthdays.

At 11 years old, I was up to 200 pounds; 250 by the time I was 16. Then I started college and worked full time. As the next few years passed, I stayed under 300 pounds, with a lot of dieting going on. When I was 21, I bought my own coffee shop and was enjoying life as a young businesswoman. I met my husband and was married at 23. When I was 26, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and tipped the scales at over 350 pounds. Then, no matter what I did, I couldn’t get below 300 pounds.

At 30, I heard about weight-loss surgery—stapling the stomach to make it smaller. I was willing to try anything. I was afraid that if I didn’t do something, I was going to weigh 500 pounds. I went ahead and had the surgery. I lost 125 pounds in a year, but I had complications. From the first week, my new stomach didn’t want any food in it. Everything I tried came back up! I couldn’t digest food anymore. For the next six months, the only thing that would stay down was Gatorade. I couldn’t eat meat and raw vegetables were hard to digest.

The weight loss lasted five years, until I hurt my back at work. Because of my slow digestion and my being laid up, the weight slowly started coming back on and I couldn’t stop it.

The weight yo-yoed until I was more than 350 pounds again. I was over 50 years old, on disability, and fat. I needed medicines to keep my blood pressure and cholesterol down, and had many aches and pains. I knew that there was no hope left. I was losing feeling in my legs and getting fatter every day.

I came to an FA meeting to support a friend, never thinking it would change my life. That day I heard hope. I came back to a meeting every day that first week, got a sponsor right away, and got started. At first I had trouble with the thought of no flour and sugar. I couldn’t think of what I was going to eat.

Life was not all rosy at first, because my stomach didn’t want all the beautiful food I was eating. When I tried to eat raw vegetables, my stomach stopped working. For the next three months, I pureed my food, but then things got better and I could eat cooked vegetables. Because of the surgery on my stomach, some things in FA had to be adjusted. Having these problems with the food would have made me stop in the past, but with the help of all the FA members, my sponsor, and my doctor, we were all working together toward my goal.

I’ve been in Program for two years now and have been given hope for a longer life. I am down 146.6 pounds, my blood pressure and cholesterol readings are normal, I have no diabetes, and I now take less medicine. I still need to lose about 50 pounds more, but because of this fellowship, I know it will come off.

All my life I had turned to food, whether I was happy, sad, worried, tired, or anything in between, but since I have been in FA, I have tools to use. I call before I take the bite and I read my Twenty-Four Hours a Day book whenever I need added strength. When I need extra help, or when things upset me during the day, I say the serenity prayer, which has made me a calmer and quieter person. My friends say I’m more relaxed. I now think before I react, which is a big change for me.

Moving in a smaller body is a surprise and joy every day. I know life will keep getting better.