“That’s enough,” my mother would say as I tried to eat another baked product. We were limited to two or three baked products a day. I wanted more, but my mother knew they weren’t healthy for me, and she had limited funds available for food. I have fond memories of church suppers though, where tables were filled with food, with nobody paying attention to how many trips to the table I made.
I am grateful today for my “FA mother”—my sponsor, who tells me when enough is enough. With this guidance, I am now able to attend church suppers and know when to stop. I bring my own weighed and measured food with me. Sure, sometimes there is appropriate food available, but it is not weighed and measured, and I don’t know what little extra ingredients might have been added. Occasionally there is nothing at all on the table that is on my food plan, or the foods that I can eat are gone by the time I get through the line. So I come prepared.
No longer do I feel shame about being unable to stop myself from returning to the table again and again, or about being unable to leave any morsel in the bowl or on the platter. I don’t go home stuffed to the point of pain. I don’t have to keep promising myself I will never do that again, only to eat again as soon as my stomach could hold more food. I don’t have to stop at a convenience store on the way home because I felt that I didn’t get enough of something that was on the table. I no longer take home leftovers to eat in at home in private. Do I miss any of that? No!
Today I look forward to church suppers for the fellowship and the opportunity to provide service. I help to set the food out and clean up, and I take the linens home to wash. Most importantly, I have the opportunity to be a role model for others, who may be struggling with food.
Today I often hear comments about what I am eating, such as: “That food looks good, I didn’t see any of that on the table.” Thank you God for the freedom to participate and to be present for others. Nothing on those tables is worth losing the peace I have around food today. What I have is so much better than any bite I could ever take. The only way to remember this is by showing up to meetings, working the tools, and providing service to others—a small price to pay.