There I was again; my own insecurity was complicating the simplest of tasks. I had been in FA for 15 months, lost 100-plus pounds, and marveled at the changes in my body, mind, and spirit. I could now show up and participate in life…but I still was insecure.
My neighbor had asked me if I minded watering the plants, getting the mail, and feeding her son’s goldfish while they were away for a few days. I fed the goldfish a “pinch” of food a day as she had instructed. Wow, was my pinch the same as hers? After all, I am a food addict. Could that be enough for the little guy? A little more couldn’t hurt.
The next day I found the goldfish swimming funny. Surely it wasn’t the amount of food I gave him. No, I couldn’t have overfed him. By day three he was a floater—dead. I even tried blowing on him to resuscitate him. His body was curled up. Maybe I could stretch him out and measure him to buy one the exact size.
Do I replace him and not say a word? They would never know, but then how long could I live with the lie, always wondering if they’d figure it out? How could I tell her I’d probably killed the little guy with too much quantity? What if it wasn’t even my fault? What if she never asked me to help again? (Well, that might be a good thing.)
Just pick up the phone and call her. Tell her the truth. The gold fish died and I wasn’t sure why. Would she like me to replace him? Could it be that simple?
I said a prayer and called her. She was so kind. She told me not to bother replacing it, as that was the third fish that had died in the last few weeks and there must be something wrong with the water temperature. She apologized to me!
Ha! Life happens and I had told the truth. I could move on for the day to the next thing. This kind of honesty has helped keep me abstinent…just for today!