A winter night in 2003 marked a low point in my life. From the outside people may not have seen it, because I had so much to be grateful for. My wife and I had just moved into the dream home I built with my own hands, we had a healthy baby girl (our fourth), and secure employment. My problem was that I was a food addict. I had never heard that expression before and never thought of using it, but that is what I was.

One night, my wife was at work at the hospital. We had made a tray of sweets for dessert. We each had one before she went to work. After I put the kids to bed, I went to the kitchen to get one more to munch on while I watched television. After a few minutes, I went for one more and promised myself that would be it. To make a long story short, I eventually ate the whole pan in spite of the fact that each time I took a bite, I swore it would be the last. Even the humiliation I knew I would feel when my wife got home was not enough to stop my compulsive eating. At this point I felt hopeless.

I had always been a heavy kid, and for most of my life I was usually the biggest person in a group. Ten years ago I reached a weight of 365 pounds. In the 18 months following the death of my son (my two oldest had been diagnosed with a very rare metabolic disease), I had gone from a fairly steady 275 to this unbelievable weight. I wasn’t sure how I let this happen, but I was sure that I didn’t have the ability to fix the problem. I came to the conclusion that my only hope of getting my life back was to undergo gastric bypass surgery. I easily received a referral from my doctor and began the long process for surgery. Finally, the day came. I was taken into the operating room where the surgeons remodeled my digestive tract to make me a less efficient eating machine. Everything went as expected, I healed quickly, and the pounds began to melt off. I lost 75 pounds over the first summer, and by the end of my first year, I was down to 210 pounds.

I was on top of the world. I was in a normal-sized body for the first time I could remember and was enjoying activities that I thought I would never be able to do again. I was also able to eat as much as I wanted whenever I wanted and still lose weight.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon was short-lived. After a few months of this lifestyle, I began to gain weight again, first a pound or two, then 10. I was shocked. I thought the surgery was supposed to fix this problem. I came to learn that nearly every person I met who had undergone the surgery (including some I had referred to my doctor) had the same problem. Eventually, some of those people would go back to their original weight or higher.

With the unwanted pounds came the return of many unwanted thoughts. Feelings of anger, depression, and low self-esteem were among the strongest. Every day I would come up with a new plan to deal with my weight. I would skip breakfast. I would have a late breakfast. I would have a liquid breakfast. The ideas went on and on, but the result was always the same. I would wake up in the morning sure that this plan would work, and by noon it would be out the window.

After a few years of this I was an emotional wreck. I found myself eating compulsively and unable to stop. I would eat when I was happy, bored, tired, angry, or depressed (my second child passed away during this period). I would eat at work, in the car, on the couch, and in bed. I would even eat when I didn’t feel hungry, because I thought I might not be able to eat later. As I approached 250 pounds, I felt as bad as I had seven years earlier. That is when I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous.

When I went to my first meeting, I was skeptical about this program helping me, but hopeless enough to try anything. What I experienced surprised me. Many of the people there were so thin I couldn’t believe they had a weight problem. What I heard was more surprising. I was hearing stories similar to mine, but from people who had lost 50, 100, and even 200 pounds and kept it off for years. By the end of my second meeting, I asked someone to be my sponsor and I was off.

The miracle was that this simple program worked for me. For the first time, I was able to stick to a strict eating program. By working the program one day at a time, and with the support of other members in this fellowship, I have been able to get below 170 pounds and keep it off.

Equally important is the peace of mind I have gained by confronting and dealing with my addiction. Now when I wake up, I feel confident and content. I write down everything I will eat for the day, call my sponsor, and review it with him. This simple routine has given me the strength to successfully deal with my lifelong problem. Today I feel like I am finally becoming the person I always thought I could be.