February 13 is a day that I will always remember. This was the day that I received my early Valentine’s gift from God. On this day, I shared at a morning meeting in Sacramento, CA, an hour drive from San Francisco. I felt great about doing service and enjoyed the fellowship there. After the meeting, we continued our fellowship at a local café.
After that, it was getting close to lunchtime. On the way home, I called a friend in FA from Fairfield, and I ask if I could eat lunch at his house. We ate lunch and conversed a bit. Then it was time for me to go back home, and I began to feel tired. Being a total addict, I was packing in too much in my day. I told my friend that as soon as I got home, I was going to take a nap.
I hit the highway heading home, going 65 miles per hour, and sometime during the trip, I dozed off. I woke up in the middle of a collision. I’ve heard it said that when you are in an accident, you tend to see things in slow motion. For me, I saw everything in real time. I eventually hit an off-duty policeman’s car. Then I hit the center divide on the highway. My vehicle flipped in the air, and when it landed, it rolled over about five times. While all this was going on, my higher power told me, in a soft voice, to remain calm.
When the vehicle stopped rolling, it landed upside down, and all was quiet. I then looked all around me and could not believe that I was still alive. Then I heard a person assisting me saying, “Are you okay?” At that time, I felt no pain, so I said yes. Then another helper asked me, “Are you able to move your legs?” I said, “Let me try.” I braced myself, because I was still upside down, and I was able to free my legs to where I could get out from the passenger’s side. They eventually pulled me out of my vehicle and placed me at the center divide. The policeman that I hit already had the area secured, and the paramedics were on the way. They told me not to move, but I was able to get up. I had no head or neck trauma. I only had one small scratch on my right hand.
Immediately I felt great gratitude for God for protecting me through this whole ordeal. Thank God there were no injuries or fatalities in the accident. I could have been a paraplegic, quadriplegic, or even dead, but God saw fit for me to be whole. If there was any doubt in my mind that there is a higher power greater than myself, it was dispelled at that moment.
After being checked by the paramedics and the police for my sobriety, I made it home safe and sound and without going to jail. I immediately dropped to my knees and thanked God for saving my life, keeping me abstinent, and giving me a new spiritual awakening. Then I ate my abstinent meal, which was already weighed and measured.
By doing my daily practice and my tools, I was able to stay abstinent. I had been prepared for troubling incidents like this. If I was not solid in my program, I could have gone into negative thinking. My initial reaction before Program would have been to mentally beat myself up for causing an accident, be resentful for losing my SUV, which I adored, and be worried about how I was going to pay for the damage I caused. In turn, that would have been my “license” to take that extra bite. I knew if that had happened, I would have eaten myself to oblivion. But because I had been doing my quiet time, talking to my sponsor, doing my readings, eating my abstinent meals with nothing in between, doing service, making phone calls, and reaching out to my fellowship, the thought of taking that extra bite never entered my mind. Instead, I felt nothing but gratitude.
Yes, I lost my SUV, but I gained a new freedom, a new happiness, and a new lease on life. I can get another vehicle. I am going to have to pay for damages, but I had adequate insurance and it took care of it all. Yes, I made mistakes by not getting enough rest, packing too much into my day, and driving while tired, but today I’m learning how to take better care of myself. I have a higher power that loves me unconditionally and a FA program that will help me through any circumstance.
After the accident, I was pretty shaken up and wondered if I would ever drive again. Those extra phone calls to my fellows and my sponsor helped me deal with my fears of getting out there and driving. Since then, I was able to rent a car when I had to, and I had no problems driving. I also ask for help from my fellows who were available for carpooling.
I still don’t have a vehicle. But I have enough, I am enough, and I do enough, one day at a time. Now, my bicycle is my primary form of transportation, which is a challenge, but a blessing. I may not get to places as quickly or conveniently as I’d like to, but I do appreciate the pure enjoyment of cycling. I like it because it’s a good form of exercise and it has allowed me to slow down, take in my surroundings, and appreciate the nice little blessings in my journey that I would have missed if I were driving. I’m able to bike to my meetings and go to local supermarkets to get the food that I need, and I am enjoying life on life terms, no matter what I am going through.