This is a story of how God turned my fear into joy. I had cut up my fruit for breakfast and put it in a bowl the night before. I woke up the next day and completed all my morning tools, absorbing all of God’s serenity and peace, to be equipped for the “challenges and joys of the day,” as our FA format reminds us. I can so easily convince myself that, after dropping to my knees and asking God to give me the strength to stay abstinent, I’ll magically be free of trials or “spiritual growth opportunities,” as my sponsor would say. 

This morning was different! I went to the kitchen to take my pre-weighed fruit out of the refrigerator. I wanted it to sit on the counter while I made some outreach calls, to get rid of the cold chill by the time I was ready to eat it with the rest of my breakfast. Approaching my breakfast with all my FA medicine in me, I looked down at my fruit and, oh my, it seemed too small for my food addict’s liking. I didn’t trust myself, as my eyes are broken when it comes to a right-size portion of food. 

I thought, Darn, is that really all I get today? I should have committed a bigger fruit last night. Oh well, another food surrender‒here we go! I prayed, thanked my Higher Power for the abstinent meal, and began to eat. I thought to myself, Alright, some days you think your breakfast is too big and some days too small. This is just one of those too-small days! Acceptance is the answer, right?

My mom walked in the room with a suspicious smile, saying, “Hi, honey, how is your fruit today?” With uncertainty in my voice I responded, “Good. Wait a minute, you didn’t take some of my fruit did you?” She said, “Yes, I did. I took three pieces of it! It looked so delicious!” I reacted and got a little defensive. “Mom! You can’t do that, that’s my fruit! C’mon!!” She knows my food is off limits for samples once it’s been weighed. I instantly went to fear and thought, Oh, no, is this a break? Am I going to be exiled from FA? Or is this a case of less is more?

All I can say is, thank you God for a sponsor I can consult on everything and anything. I told her what happened and she said it was okay and to laugh it off. (Laugh off my food being taken? In what world?) Then I thought, perhaps this is a spiritual lesson after all─to not hoard my food like an obsessive animal. 

I kid you not, a week later, this is what happened. I come out to breakfast, take my fruit out of the refrigerator, and discover the fruit that I chopped seems like a smaller amount again. I knew it couldn’t have been my mom, because we talked and established food boundaries in the last episode. Wrong! She said to me, “Are you missing something?” I said with disbelief, “Did you eat my fruit again?” She said, “No, I just wanted to mess with you!” She walked around the corner and brought back the rest of my fruit, which she had hidden in another bowl. Fortunately, this time she hadn’t eaten any of it, but rather was just trying to throw me for a loop. I had a good laugh with her and got to have my full serving. 

Thank you God for teaching me that my food is not my God, abstinent or not. And thank you God for teaching me to relax and trust God in everything. I will be okay no matter what!