When I came into FA, I heard that this program was not a diet and in the beginning I really did not understand that phrase. Besides, isn’t dieting how most people lose weight? But as my years in recovery mounted up, I not only have learned exactly what that means, but am able to be grateful that as long as I am in recovery, I never have to diet again! Believe me, I spent a great deal of my life “dieting”. The first diet I ever did was Weight Watchers and that was when I was seventeen. At that point I was approximately 160 pounds. My Weight Watchers experience didn’t last long and I never really achieved any weight loss.
As I got older, my meager attempts to lose weight included amphetamines, which I got from the health center at the university I was attending. By then I weighed around 175 pounds. With the pills, I was able to lose about 20 pounds and was never late for classes that were on the other side of campus. Now I know why they call it speed! I eventually stopped taking the pills when I fainted in my dorm room and hit my head on the metal bed frame. After that, I continued to look for any new diet programs or fads that I thought could give me hope of being skinny.
Many of those programs and fads included the liquid protein diet to lose weight for the church banquet and the Siegel Cookie diet to lose weight for my wedding. After I got married I continued to gain weight, so of course I had to try to “diet” again. I tried the Atkins, the South Beach and Jenny Craig. Each diet just reinforced that I was a failure and could not do it, so for many years I gave up and continued to pack on the pounds, where eventually I found myself weighing in at about 230 pounds.
I decided to try the “Weigh Down Workshop”, a spiritually focused program where I was to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full. The only problem for me was that I was always hungry and never full. This program also allowed me to eat anything. With that being said, I was able to lose about 30 pounds but finally gave up. The time, energy and money spent on this program wasn’t worth giving up the food that I was still craving to eat. This decision prompted me to decide to just love myself as I was, fat and about 240 pounds. Besides, I had a Cuban husband who loved to eat and loved to cook. I loved to eat and he loved that I loved his cooking. We made a great team.
My first encounter with a 12-step program was when I reconnected with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in many years. She was thin, vibrant, attractive and happy. I wanted to be that way too, so I went with her to a program for Compulsive Overeaters. I went a few times, but did not get a good vibe from the people in the room and did not see a whole lot of skinny people so I stopped going. Back then, it was all about being skinny and not really knowing what recovery was.
My first visit to FA was on February 6. My friend who took me to the other meeting had switched over to FA and invited me to go. She said it was so much more structured and there was a lot more recovery. That night I was introduced to a new way of eating: no flour or sugar and you weigh and measure your food. I was so impressed with the stories of recovery I heard, that I got a sponsor. I couldn’t believe that you didn’t have to count calories or points. That made it so much easier. No complicated math to deal with where I had to keep track, especially of points, that I had borrowed from the coming week.
Today, I am in a normal size body. At 60 years old and weighing approximately 125 pounds, I am thinner than I was in junior high school. I have more energy than I had in my thirties and forties. But, most importantly to me, I have a gratitude for this recovery program that has given me the life back that the food took away from me. That gratitude has helped me find my purpose-to reach out to the still suffering food addict who, like me, tried just about every diet in the book, without success but with a lessening feeling of hope each time. Thank God that I do not ever have to diet again.