Before finding FA, my first reaction to life was to soothe with food. It didn’t matter if I was tired, lonely, bored, anxious or afraid. Almost before I realized what I was feeling, I found myself reaching for food. It didn’t matter if the feelings were good or bad. Any feeling was too uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to deal other than to bury it with food. I found food helped me cope, although poorly, with life. The feelings could relate to something as major as the death of a family member, or as minor as running late for an appointment. A parking ticket could lead me to a fast-food drive-through. Anxiety about a work issue could lead me to the refrigerator at 2 a.m. I never learned healthy ways of feeling or coping with life. I had no tools, no guide, no faith. But I did have healthy doses of fear, doubt and insecurity.

I didn’t find FA until I was 64 years old. I spent my whole life eating over feelings to cope with life. This behavior kept me fat, isolated and lonely. I never learned how to deal with life on its own terms. I never learned how to participate. I knew how to hide, lie and eat. Now, after three and one-half years in FA, I feel like I’m on the road to recovery. Instead of taking the bite, I now go to prayer, my sponsor, fellows and quiet time. I write and share and feel the feelings. It is not always pretty, but it is so far and away better than what life used to be like. There is growth in FA and sustenance in the spirituality of this program. That growth could never have occurred while eating addictively, and I’m just at the start of this journey

So, to the newcomer or the person who is struggling, I can only share my own experience of breaking through the barrier with the help of all the tools and fellowship of this program. I had to stop lying to others and myself. I used to cry and scream and go to bed by 7 p.m. to avoid bingeing every evening. That’s okay. It didn’t last forever. It got better as the days and months went by. With the help of my sponsor, the structure of this program, honesty and willingness, it keeps getting better. Once I broke through the barrier, the growth has been amazing. Life can be amazing. The promises of the program have started to come true for me. No matter what, I just do not take that bite!