Focused on digging my car keys out of my oversized bag, I hurried out of the Walgreens toward my white car. But when I pushed the button to remotely open the driver side door, nothing happened. My shoulders slumped. I pushed again. “Batteries must be dead,” I muttered to myself. So I tried the key in the lock. It would not open the door. Now what? I repeated the ritual. Same results. Just as I’d begun again for the third time, a voice from behind made me spin around. “That door is not going to open no matter what you do.” A scowling woman strode toward me. I didn’t like either her tone or her expression. It called up—what? Fear? What had I done wrong? She crossed her arms. “That’s MY car.”
Not until that moment had I noticed an exact replica to the car I stood beside parked in the next parking place—twins. Same make, model, and color. Had I paid attention to the license plate instead of my keys, I would’ve gone directly to my car.
Focus matters.
This same principle applies to my recovery program. When I focus on no-flour-no-sugar, avoidance of my favorite binge foods, I feel deprived. When I consider that this is the way I’ll eat for the rest of my life because I’m an addict, the impossibility of such a life overcomes me. My best willpower got me to 197 pounds (89.3 kilograms), which is a lot for my 5’2” frame (1.6 meters). My best self-control held me captive to binging, purging, hating myself and being out of control with massive quantities for nearly 40 years. Power to eat my weighed and measured, committed food only became possible when I gave up my will to my Higher Power. He provides this reprieve one day at a time and He has done so now for over two years.
When my attention wanders to how someone has hurt me, I become a victim, not a survivor. When I obsess on small and big problems in my life, I feel stuck and immobilized. I also stray from the moment into places I have no power to control. Peace and serenity leave me. When I concentrate on changing anyone or anything other than myself—with the help of my Higher Power—I am doomed to fear, doubt, and insecurity.
If I truly desire to be happy, joyful, and free, a shift of focus is imperative. Focusing on gratitude for the wondrous changes my Higher Power has already made, the beauty all around me, and on service to others lifts me out of my addiction and sets my feet on the slow but steady road to recovery.