As a food addict, I have the tendency to go to extremes. I have been overweight, underweight, bulimic and compulsive with exercise. I have learned a bit about weighing, measuring and moderating my behavior as well as my food during the 13 years I have been in FA. Because of that, I felt safe buying a Fitbit without going back to being compulsive with exercise. I wore it quite happily for a couple of years, but lately it had all begun to feel like I was veering in the direction of looking at it all too often, more and more invested in getting those 10,000 steps a day, becoming way too attached.
When I spoke with my sponsor, with that old extreme thinking, I said I either wanted to hide it in a drawer or smash it with a hammer, whichever she suggested – I wanted peace from the insanity of obsession. She very calmly suggested I do neither, that I wear it, train myself not to look at it until the end of the day, and let go of the need to do 10,000 steps. Easier said than done, I thought to myself, but I was willing to try.
The next morning, I put it on as usual and made up my mind not to look at it, not once during the day. Well – as usually happens when I make up my mind, it took everything I had not to take a peek. I finally took a deep breath and said “OK God, I turn over my life, my will and my Fitbit to your care” and I let go.
I gave it no more thought for the rest of the day. I had several things to do and many places I needed to be and was able to do all of it without being distracted by just how many steps I was taking or not taking. At the end of day when I was getting ready for bed, I went to take it off and charge it up. Lo and behold, it was not there! There was no way to retrace my steps, so I looked around the house, in the car and any other place where it may have fallen off. When it was pretty clear that it could not be found, I sat down and laughed out loud.
God did for me what I could not do for myself – again. I have been happily Fitbit-free now for about a month. I am not only free of the gadget; even more importantly, I am free of the need to know the numbers. However much I walk in a day is in God’s hands.