As an addict, I always lived in “tomorrow”. Now, living in recovery, all I have is “today”. And for today, I choose to go to my Higher Power – all through the day – to ask for help!
I can remember two specific times in my life when my Higher Power spoke to me. One was 30 years ago and one was 8 months ago after I had a break following 6 years of abstinence.
Thirty years ago, at a time of my life when I was completely obsessed with food, in an attempt to fix me and help me raise my two children and be the “perfect housewife” the God of my understanding “spoke” to me! God said, with great clarity and with a knowing that remains with me today, four short words “I AM YOUR FRIEND”. To this day, I can re-surface that “knowing” whenever I need help from my Higher Power.
8 months ago, my sponsor suggested I go to quiet time for clarity as to whether or not I had a break during a buffet dinner party. I had returned to the buffet for another portion of food just to show the hostess how pleased I was with the lovely meal she had prepared. Oh no – there was no way I wanted to face up to a “break”. Here I was, with five sponsees, doing all sorts of service at FA meetings and on the 11th step of my AWOL. There was no way I was going to declare a break! So I took it to my quiet time and asked God for clarity.
Here’s what God said: “Mary, at the end of your life, when you and I are “hanging out” on a tree branch somewhere engaged in conversation, what do you think is really going to matter to me?….that you have 6 years of back to back abstinence OR that you are living a life of honesty and humility?” This was something I would never have thought – I had my answer, directly from God.
Thank you God for the blessings of my new ability to grow in honesty and humility – and to have the grace of no guilt and no shame. I now have 8 months of fresh, God-given abstinence, four sponsees, I am on the 4th step of my AWOL, having a stronger program and being gentle with myself and “knowing” God has all my answers.