Most of my life, I’ve not been athletic. The only reason I exercised was to lose weight or to counteract my most recent binge. It was all about burning calories or toning, and I didn’t really enjoy the effort or experience.
When I came into FA I was 52 years old, 200 pounds, depressed, and beginning what I thought was to be a lifetime of worsening arthritis. My joints and the high arches of my feet were hurting, and I resigned myself to a steady decline. I didn’t think there was another choice until I was lead, by the grace of God, to FA. I lost my weight in 11 months and settled on 123 lbs on my 5’4″ frame. It was nothing short of a miracle that all my arthritis pain disappeared completely.
I was at my goal weight for a few months when an older, overweight co-worker asked me to do a triathlon with her. I laughed and politely declined. She kept working on me, saying that it was fun and besides, I was younger and in better shape than she; if she could do it, I could do it. Well, that did it. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but she assured me she’d show me how to train.
There were many times during the training when I tried to tell her that I changed my mind, that I quit, that it was simply too hard, I was too old for this, etc. But I kept on. On my running trail, there was a substantial hill. For months and months, I simply walked it because it was too steep and too hard to run up. I was in the fourth step of my AWOL at the time, and I learned that in my negative thinking, I tended to catastrophize everything and often made mountains out of molehills. Then, one day, as I was running along and coming up on the monster hill, I had the random thought that, what if I could make it up that hill, but I only thought I couldn’t? What if I thought that I could? Well, I made it up that hill with no problem! I was winded for sure, but I made it, and I have been making it ever since.
Training for the biking phase of the triathlon I encountered a similar opportunity. I pushed myself up hill after hill, and I was getting discouraged as I looked ahead to see how long the climb was; I wasn’t sure I could do it. It was then that I noticed that if I looked down at the ground where I was and just kept pedaling I had more energy and more hope. Conversely, when I looked ahead at how much more I had to climb, I felt exhausted and discouraged. I just kept my focus on where I was instead of where I was going, and I made it through that grueling training ride. That ride was a lesson for me in staying in the here and now, focusing on the present.
Recovery in FA has taught me that my thinking can be my best friend or my worst enemy, and I have a choice about how I think. I also learned that there is always another way to think about an issue or situation.
I’m still amazed that in my 50’s, never having been athletic in my life, I did a couple of triathlons with my friend from work. Eventually, I realized that I didn’t really like the stress of training and competition, so I decided that I didn’t need to do another one. Instead, I discovered a love of mountain bike riding, and I have been riding for fun ever since.
When I started FA, I didn’t care if I lived or died. Now, I look forward to each day and what my Higher Power has in store for me. I can honestly say that I am in better shape now than I was in my 20s, both physically and mentally. I still run occasionally, and I smile every time I take that hill in stride.