Dreaming about Food

A STORY OF RECOVERY FROM FOOD ADDICTION

Dreaming about Food

Recovery

bulimia, exercise addiction

I am almost two years into program, with over seven months of abstinence. I have lost my weight and am […]

I am almost two years into program, with over seven months of abstinence. I have lost my weight and am feeling good. Fundamentally, all is well. But then, some stress over work comes up, and I find myself eating mouthfuls of flour and sugar, and then deciding I just won’t tell my sponsor! Thankfully, I am having a “food dream.” Or, rather, a nightmare! I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing.

The images of picking up and eating the very things I know can destroy me and send me spiraling back down into my addictive thinking and eating patterns was definitely nothing short of a nightmare – a floury, sugary, food nightmare.

I know now that when I am experiencing anxiety in my day-to-day life, negative thoughts and fears start to creep in. These things are powerful and manifest themselves in my subconscious thoughts.

I guess these sorts of dreams are valuable because when I wake up scared, I have to mindfully check my program to be sure I am diligently working all my tools. Am I being honest about what is really going on in my life? Am I talking with my sponsor and my fellows about these things? Am I talking about things I may not want to talk about? Am I keeping my food simple and not over-complicating things?

I am glad today that the thoughts and dreams (and nightmares!) of food scare me, because I know that if I am ever to take that bite or that one lick of a spoon or my finger, I’m a goner. It’s that simple.

The gift of abstinence is nothing short of a dream come true for this food addict. For twenty years, I have struggled with food, bulimia, over-exercising, and obsession with trying to control my weight. Today, I am living the miracle: I don’t have to do any of those things. I ask God for help, work the tools of this Program (all of them, not some of them — I know today I cannot pick and choose my own program), and I weigh and measure my abstinent meals one day at a time. My life is increasingly filled with happiness, sanity, and usefulness to others. Thank you, God, for the “sweet” dream of abstinence!

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Bridge of Hope

My obsession with food made it impossible for me to think about anyone other than myself. I hated myself. I hated the way I ate, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop thinking about food.

Silence is Golden

In FA we often say, “Less is more,” referring to the fact that letting go of food gives us more peace of mind. Sometimes in my house, the less response I get from my family, the more I see the degree to which I am not quite like others when it comes to food. My son, who doesn’t appear to be a food addict, had baked himself something for breakfast that was topped with sugar. I came along a couple of hours later to find my husband and son working on a project in the dining room. The dirty baking

DIETS

When I came into FA, I heard that this program was not a diet and in the beginning I really did not understand that phrase. Besides, isn’t dieting how most people lose weight? But as my years in recovery mounted up, I not only have learned exactly what that means, but am able to be grateful that as long as I am in recovery, I never have to diet again! Believe me, I spent a great deal of my life “dieting”. The first diet I ever did was Weight Watchers and that was when I was seventeen. At that point