Thanks to this wonderful program, I spent this past summer in a bikini, traveling to Mexico with a fellow. We danced on top of a boat to oldies and pumpin’ music. We hung out in our bikinis all day long, every day. It was hot and muggy and I was loving it, because parts of my body that used to chafe in the heat no longer touch.
You see, when I was a teenager, my dad took me to Greece every summer. Huge blessing! I had amazing summers in Greece. We would walk and walk, visiting the ancient sights of the Oracle at Delphi or the ancient theater of Epidauros. We’d stroll all evening amongst the whitewashed buildings and marble streets. It was heaven.
What my dad doesn’t know is that I had to have my plus-size aunt buy me cotton biker-shorts underwear, made for overweight people, to wear under my dresses. The rubbing and rawness from my thighs touching made it painful to walk. The heat, sweat, and sea air made my legs so raw that I had blisters.
My dad also doesn’t know that when everyone was taking the afternoon siesta nap, I’d sneak into the kitchen and eat things out of my aunt and uncles’ freezer and cupboards. This is after having had a large European lunch.
I wanted so badly to be young and beautiful and thin. I remember at one point being in a village with my brother and having the vague sense that I could not stop eating. If food came, I consumed voraciously.
Once I was riding a bus from Athens to the beach and out of everyone on the crowded city bus, I was offered a seat. I didn’t understand why I, a young healthy person, was offered the seat. But then the gentleman motioned to my belly, and I realized why. No, I’m not pregnant, I thought to myself. I took the seat anyway, too embarrassed to correct him.
Well, no one thinks I’m pregnant anymore. I came into FA three years ago weighing 157.5 pounds (the previous year I weighted 167.5 pounds). I’ve been abstinent for almost a year and a half, and today I weight between 120 and 124.
My legs don’t chafe anymore. I’m a confident 32-year old, loving my relationship with my higher power. Traveling with a fellow this summer in Mexico was incredible. To be able to process anything and everything right then and there is a gift I will treasure. I had many revelations on that trip, and my connection to God grew exponentially.
The last time I was in Greece I was 23 years old. I had just gotten off of drugs, which I used to get thin…a story for another time. Someday I’ll return to Greece and I know I’ll go as a healthy, strong, confident woman. No chafing, no mistaken pregnancies.