When I was growing up in California, Mom couldn’t cook meals fast enough and my older brothers sometimes ate food off my plate. It felt to me like there was never enough food.

I came to FA for the first time four years ago, after hearing about the program from a friend, who had lost 80 pounds. I raised my hand at a meeting, dutifully identified myself as a food addict (at 235 pounds), worked the food plan faithfully for six months, and lost 72 pounds. I didn’t really believe I was a food addict and ended up leaving FA over resentments against my sponsor.  I firmly believed that FA was just too hard. The truth was that I wanted to go back out and eat “normal” food. Armed with my newfound knowledge of the evils of flour, sugar, and quantities, surely I would be “just fine.”

Well, two years later, I gained back all the weight plus one pound (proving God has a sense of humor). I limped back into one of my old committed meetings with my pride shattered, my tail between my legs, and a pair of much bigger jeans. I got a new sponsor and started on Day One.

My two years of “research,” during which time I abused my mind, body, and spirit with flour, sugar, and quantities of food, showed me the depths of my food addiction. I finally realized that without God and the tools of FA, I would look for the exit sign again.

My second try at recovery from food addiction has been quite different. My two years away from Program smashed my denial about my “little food issue,” and the things suggested by my sponsor: the tools of the program. I decided that the same tools that were unbelievably difficult my first time around now seemed pretty darn necessary and reasonable.

I choose to take actions, one day at a time, to maintain my 110 days of abstinence, which is a miracle and a gift that I don’t want to foolishly throw away. I am a grateful food addict today.