I’ve been married for 14 years to the kindest, sweetest, funniest guy on the planet.  I was born under the Chinese astrological year of the ox … steadfast, loyal, steady, stubborn, obstinate  He’s a Rabbit… sensitive, intuitive, energetic.  I adore him.

But, before program, I spent a lot of time feeling critical of him.  “Somebody needs to whip him into shape.”  I thought.  Before program I would agonize inside my own head about how best to deliver the messages to him, to “fix him,” “improve him.”  I used to yell at him, “I turned myself into a pretzel for you and what have you ever done for me?” And then, I would eat, to still the inner demons in my head, to reward myself for “putting up” with him, to do something for myself.

The food stopped working.  I isolated.

In program, my sponsor guided me to WAIT:  to ask myself “Why am I talking?”

I tried talking my husband out of his feelings.  If he came home sad, I’d try to cheer him up.  Now, I listen, really listen, with an open heart and mind.

And my husband has tears of sweet understanding in his eyes when I really listen and he thanks me:  “Thank you for letting me be myself.”

I am abstinent, eating my weighed and measured meals.  And I pray every day for another abstinent day, abstinent from thinking I can or should control my husband.  Abstinent from thinking that I am or could be my husband’s higher power.