As a child, I was chubby and suffered from extreme fear, doubt, and insecurity. I have a history of sexual abuse by my father, but that isn’t why I ate the way I did. What I have learned is that no one is to blame for my food addiction. I have a disease that is physical, mental, and spiritual; and it led me down a path of self destruction.

Adolescence was hard for me. I lived in books and films and spent a lot of time eating at the movies and in front of the television set. I just wanted to drift away and feel good all the time. I “became” characters from the books I read and the movies I saw; my biggest obsession was Marilyn Monroe. I always felt fat and “less than”, except when I was caught up in a role.

I became bulimic at age 13. I purged two or three times a day throughout my high school years. I felt huge even though I was only ten pounds overweight. I went to a psychiatrist out of fear that my esophagus would burst. I hated food but had to have it.

I always thought I would be rich and famous and die a legend by the time I turned 21, but nothing of the sort was happening. At 20 I felt as though my life was over. I was throwing up uncontrollably 10 or 11 times a day. My weight kept escalating, despite the purging; and I no longer fit into a size 14. All my money was going for food.

I tried traveling to Europe and living abroad. I tried compulsive exercising, cycling, yoga, acting, writing, going to college, and anything that I thought might fill me; but nothing ever could. Diets never worked for me because they always left me lonely and hungry. I finally surrendered and accepted the fact that I was a food addict.

Now I am 31… and I love my rich and full life. I was given the gift of really enjoying my twenties. If you are a young person who is reading this, you, too, have the opportunity to be spared years of misery. Many miracles and joy are awaiting you. You don’t ever have to hurt yourself with food again.